The WhinerPosted: May 3, 2012
I spoke with Granny yesterday to get the scoop on her date plans for this afternoon. “The bastard hasn’t called,” she huffed. “That’s fine with me because I’m busy, very busy,” she insisted. She once told me that if a man is too “busy” to see me that I needed to make myself twice as busy.
Later in the day she finally heard from him, she left me a voicemail recounting their conversation. “He was sick, home with a cold,” she began in a mocking tone. “He’s such a whiney man. He went away for the weekend and it was cold so he caught a cold,” she said, exaggerating the “old” in “cold”.
“He says, ‘Oh my God, Oh my God!’ I didn’t know what was going to happen,” she giggled. “Then he squeals, ‘I’m gonna sneeze!’” She burst out into a fit of laughter. “What would happen if it was really an ohmygod moment?”
“He’s such a baby and a whiner,” she complained, “He’s very sick, he’s telling me about all of his illnesses. All of them.” You’d think that by 87 a man would have learned that women aren’t interested in hearing them whine and list their weaknesses.
“I obviously don’t want to meet him, but he cancelled it anyway,” she told me. “I’m very busy now. Very, very busy.”
I wonder if his cold was really cold feet. The man has a sick wife; maybe he decided that his conscious couldn’t handle a flirtation with infidelity. As Granny always tells me, “You don’t know what you don’t know.”
LISTEN TO HER VOICEMAIL: voicemail.mp3