Drum Roll, Please!Posted: August 1, 2012
Psssssst… we’re back! My little pop tart of a Granny is hot out of the oven, through with her skin cancer treatments, and almost ready to slide back into her dating shoes (most likely kitten heels).
I called Granny to let her know that besides her selfish granddaughter (me), readers were missing her dates. “Don’t make me blush, my face is red enough as it is from the radiation,” she chuckled, clearly flattered.
“We miss your stories! No one tells it like it is like you,” I stroked her ego, a strategic wingman move.
“You’re saying that I’m bitchy?” she giggled.
“I’m not, not saying that,” I replied. “But we both are. A healthy dose of bitchiness.”
“Well you may be missing them, but you can come do my packing, go to my doctors appointments, you can do it all,” she huffed to add a tinge of her signature Jewish guilt. Then, “Okay, Jesus, give me a week.”
Fair enough, besides recovering from the radiation Granny is in the process of packing up and moving to a new apartment. Rest assured, she’s more excited to get back to dating than you are to read about it. Get ready for some from some fresh Granny dating stories in the very near future!
Now on to some news! Cue the drum roll, harmonica solo, and ribbon dancers….
Ladies and gentleman, singles and the committed, I went and got myself a badass boyfriend! A real life boyfriend, a man who as far as I can tell is the best thing since macaroni and cheese stuffed omelets. Besides being an all-around charming dude, he is 6’7, which means I have finally succeeded in fulfilling my life-long dream of having a man who doubles as a jungle gym.
More news! I’m going to need some more harmonica, maracas, and a heavy dose of cow bell…
I’m writing a book! Picture me high kicking, fist pumping, and pelvic thrusting (heavily)—I’ve been doing a lot of this lately.
Yep, this little diva is pulling it together and buckling down to write a BOOK! Oy vey. Get ready for the ups and downs, the laughs, and of course the bitching of the online dating journey with my Granny.
I’ll update when the book gets closer but in the meantime I’d like to turn the tables and hear from you. I’ve been absurdly honest with you guys… I mean come on, Booty Pop? Let’s talk some shit ladies!
If you have cringeworthy, silly, or dubious dating stories and/or questions about the online dating process me and a wise old witch (Granny) have been through the dating trenches and would love to give you our two cents and then some. Let us be your wingwomen! Email your stories to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Let’s get this party started! Cue Rihanna’s “We Found Love in a Hopeless Place”. *Pelvic thrust, pelvic thrust, fist pump, pelvic thrust.*