Some background on us gals…
Posted: July 8, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized 6 CommentsMy grandma is part Larry David part Joan Rivers. She’s not the sweet-talking, cookie baking, crocheting type. She’s a shit talking, adventure seeking, gossipy yenta. Her wit, humor, and unending opinions never cease to entertain me. We share an offbeat sense of humor with a brassy temperament – and like me, she is single.
Last summer when my four-year relationship fell apart I called my granny for support. I wasn’t looking for empowering words; but rather I was in need of her sassy trash-talking rants. With her thick Jewish-New Yorker accent she quickly turned my sweet ex into the most undesirable piece of scum. “Oy, he was too old for ya. What is he a pervert?” I laughed back tears. “Honestly, did ya see what he wore for Thanksgiving? Who does he think he is? That kid from High School Musical?”
I’ve spent the last year bouncing around, casually dating, engaging in steamy hook ups, getting involved to just get involved and being alone. I’m 24 and ready to move forward. I live in New York, I’m attractive, outgoing, and smart (Granny blows a lot of steam up my ass, hence my inflated ego). I’m always meeting men yet I haven’t met anyone who I really connect with or could see myself being in a relationship with.
Granny has been on her own for decades. It’s time for her to meet someone; she’s too entertaining to be alone. This lady needs an audience. However, she would rather get a root canal than attend a senior mixer or join one of the many groups for people of her age in her home of sunny south Florida. The last romantic rendezvous she went on in years soured her taste to the whole dating scene. It was a blind date, where over fondue her 80+ elderly escort revealed that he was a very good kisser but in fact kissing was all the lust his body could express in his old age. Although I don’t really believe her, she insists she had to physically carry him out of the restaurant because he was too old to walk.
When my older sister (or as Granny shamelessly refers to her as: the “favorite granddaughter”) met her boyfriend online dating last year, Granny and me were horrified yet secretly intrigued. It’s 2011, right? Those Match.com commercials advertising that 1 out of 5 relationships start online can really get to you.
After much deliberation and some serious coaxing, Granny and I have decided to check out what the kids are up to these days. We are joining the world wide web of dating. Being that we are both fiercely independent, we’re not looking for someone to complete us. We’re complete already. It would just be nice for us to each meet men with common interests to flirt, have fun, and gossip with each other about.
So, it’s happening. We’re doing it. We’re putting it out there. We are online dating and my granny is my wingman.
grannyismywingman 
A collegue of mine told me about your blog knowing i’ve been perusing the ol’ match.com (also know as noiwontbuyuadrinkiedammitleavemealone.com) and thought i would be amused. I am. Your title makes me grin and having a female perspective (both elder and younger) gives me some insight on what not to do on this end (i think i’ve done them all… but i’m sure i can always count on myself on finding new and inventive ways of stuffing both feet into my pie hole while shooting myself in the foot–it takes talent). so write on. 🙂
Norm from Hawaii
This is great! I just read your story on CNN.com and had to check it out.
Online dating can be scary, but I had my own success after a few failures and blogged about it for work just yesterday: http://www.yorkblog.com/twenty/2011/10/10/in-defense-of-online-dating-a-success-story/
Best of luck to you and your granny!
I just saw y’all on a morning show, and your granny is too funny! Love it!!
Just saw you and your granny this morning on Good Morning America and I was hooked before you had completed a full sentence! You two are a blast together and I can’t wait to get into your blog cuz it sounds Hilarious!! And funny thing……….your description of your granny sounds disturbingly like ME! ‘cept for the cookie baking. Nahhhh……..this granny don’t bake. But I cook and I’ll bake a meatloaf….but Nonnie (that’d be me) don’t do cookies and/or cakes. Anywhoooo……..you two are quite the pair and YOU GO GIRL!!! Thank you for not dissing your granny and relegating her to the bowels of your life!
I haven’t wanted to go online and do match.com because I think it’s a waste of time but you two have convinced me otherwise and not to take myself so seriously…..love your attitude and hope to replicate your experiences.
Jane
Kayli,
I saw you and your Granny on GMA! You two looked great! Your Granny seems like a sweetheart and so do you. Do you have an age limit for yourself? I recently got out of the Navy a few years ago and I’m looking at moving back to Florida. I was stationed in Pensacola. I miss it out there. I love the outdoors, music, classic rock, folk, jazz, blues and some country. I enjoy cooking healthy food and trying to try eating a Vegetarian diet as much as possible..lol. Whenever I’m not eating sushi or a little chicken from time to time..
Do you and your Granny get to travel much? I may not make it out to NYC but maybe Fl. Maybe we can keep in touch and maybe meet up in a few months, when I get out to Florida.
Hope you have a great night.
p.s. by the way..I’m 45.. but don’t look a day over 35! : )
-Alex