Junkie Restored

The dating junkie scores again. I went for drinks with Robert this weekend. We enjoy a nice lottery ticket giving routine. Well actually, he just gives and I take, but I’m not complaining.

He handed me a cat-themed ticket (a cheeky reminder of his affinity for felines). Although I don’t like cats I do like money, I won twenty dollars this time. A few dates back I would have interpreted this as a sign of romantic luck but we’ve already established that our relationship is purely platonic so all it meant was that I was twenty dollars richer.

We ordered two fancy cocktails then began comparing notes on our dating lives. The junkie was feeling used up and washed out. OKCupid was his bitch. He had slapped it around, tore it apart, and now was left resenting it. “How often are you using?” I asked

“I’m only going on about two new dates a week now,” he said, without an ounce of sarcasm. “In the good days I was doing about five.”

He explained his theories of online girls, messaging techniques, profile quirks, and his overall online method of seduction. He really is a master. On a recent two-day work trip to San Francisco he managed to fit in two dates with two different west coast girls.

Partially grossed out but wholly impressed I suggested that maybe he had gotten all there was to get out of OKCupid, maybe it was time to move on to new pastures. I told him about HowAboutWe. Being that he’s a creative guy I have a feeling he could be a real hit on the site.

I opened the app on my phone and gave him a full on tutorial of the site. We scoffed at many of the recycled, mundane dates that some of the guys suggested. “Howaboutwe… listen to some tunes at mine and see what happens?”, “Howaboutwe… let me treat you like the beautiful lady you are 😉 ?”, “Howaboutwe… drink beer and watch the game?”

As we paid the bill and got ready to leave Robert brainstormed some ideas on me, “Howaboutwe… play with my cats?” I shook my head. Robert wasn’t taking it seriously; he was busy eyeing two cute French girls sitting at the table beside us. He was trying to lock eyes with the brunette. “I know that girl,” he whispered.

“From where?” I whispered back.

“OKCupid,” he said.

I shook my head. Besides the fact that this girl was super hot and super French, I didn’t believe it was possible for him to recognize a girl in real life that easily from her profile, but he insisted.

“She probably never responded because she’s smarter than me and realized that the message you sent is a generic copy and paste,” I suggested.

He pulled up the OKCupid app on his phone and tried to find her on the site to no avail. “Why don’t you just ask her?” I suggested.

He leaned over and said, “Excuse me I think I know you from somewhere?”

The brunette made a confused smile and in an adorable French accent shook her head and asked, “Where?”

“I’ve seen you around… on OKCupid,” he boldly stated. She turned red, I turned red, he may have turned red but it would be hard to tell behind his beard.

The online dating gods smiled down on them. She explained that she has been on the site but got off because she hadn’t met any good guys. Bringing his online confidence into the real world, Robert told her that he was a good guy and would love to take her out. Just like that, they swapped numbers, set up a date and made a connection.

I was impressed not only with his performance and the outcome, but the bizarre quality of the online dating platform and its ability to act as a connecting force in real life. If anyone could pull it off it’s the dating junkie. I was happy to see his dating libido restored.

Regardless of how his French girl date goes, he’s got a reputation and online dating lifestyle to uphold. I expect to see his bearded face around on Howaboutwe suggesting dates like “Howaboutwe… see who can stuff more hotdogs in their mouth at once?” any day now…

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