This morning I gave Granny the low down on my non-date with Todd. Before I could finish explaining his flawed plan to meet at the fountain she interrupted me, “He’s a schmuck. Let me count the ways. In one breath you could name ten.” She’s the only person I know who could pull off a bashing in under breath.

She found several reasons to coin him a jerk but it was his cigarette smoking that really threw her over the top. “I wanna tell you something,” she said cutting me off, “This man has no regard for himself or anyone else. If his teeth were that yellow what good care does he take of himself and more importantly when was the last time he’s seen a dentist?”

Although I wasn’t planning on seeing him again she brought up an excellent point, “If it has to be that confusing and troublesome from the beginning then screw it. It can’t get better it can only get worse.” I think that’s a gem I’ll have to remember in the future for someone more worthwhile.

I changed gears to find out how her Passover seder was, “Your mother wanted to sit with me but I said, ‘You’re fine, I’m sitting with the old focacas,’ and they were really old, older than me. We were at the old focacas corner.” I’m pretty sure Granny made up the Yiddish work “focacas”.  Boy do I love that old focaca.


2 Comments on “Schmuck”

  1. Karen in OKC says:

    I love reading all these and I’m thrilled when a new one hits my inbox. I’m glad you have the sound bites, too. Your granny rocks! I’m not Jewish and I’m more used to southern accents than Yiddish but I read a lot and when I listened to this audio I laughed and checked something out… I believe if you ask her, she’ll tell you that what she was saying was really Alter Kockers… !

  2. Heather says:

    Love it! It’s like getting dating advice from my Granny.

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