Prune Sandwich

Granny got stuck between two bridges along the intercoastal on her way to her date with Jay.  She took this time to call me and complain about the restaurant he chose. “I hate Too-Jays,” she huffed.

This was a blatant lie. It is actually me who hates Too-Jays. Whenever I go visit, she insists on at least one trip to the gourmet deli. I reminded her of this. “Only for breakfast, I only like their breakfast. It’s already past 12, this is clearly a lunch date.”

“Go wild, order breakfast for lunch,” I suggested.

“Only old people eat at Too-Jays,” she whined.

“You are old,” I reminded her. This has become part of Granny’s pre-date routine. She’s like the skinny girl complaining that she’s fat. Even though she knows she’s a size 0 she still needs me to remind her that she has no cellulite.

She hung up and didn’t call me back until two hours had passed and her date was through. Her debriefing began, “If ya spent 24 hours with the guy, 23 would be about him.” I was glad to hear they already had that in common.

They started off the date by fessing up about their real ages. Apparently both of them fibbed on their profiles. Jay was actually 81 and impressed by Granny’s looks. “You look damn good,” he told her.

“I know,” she replied without a shred of modesty. “I told him he did too, but it was a lie. The man looked like a prune.”

Listen to our conversation where she explains Jay’s looks: prune

After she got some solid complaints out of her system, she began to divulge more about Jay. They were from the same area in New York, both had only one child, had traveled to many of the same places, and shared several interests.

I listened attentively, she was sounding pretty smitten. “Are ya ready for the real kicker?” she asked. “I lost my tooth, my front tooth mid-date.”

Granny’s got a movie-star smile, which is the product of movie-star maintenance. She had veneers put in years ago, which although look killer, at times fall out. “What?” I asked part horrified, part amused.

“Yup. Ya told me to go with breakfast. So I got one of those bagels. Ya know, with the lox and the cream cheese? I take one bite, and what do ya know? My top front tooth falls right out.”

I tried to stifle my giggles. “Oh God, what did you do?”

“I said to myself, ‘Ya lost your tooth. Don’t be obvious and don’t swallow it.’ The tooth had other plans. It popped straight out of my lips and on to the plate.” We both broke out into hysterical laughter. Granny and I share the ability to laugh at ourselves even in the most humiliating situations. This quality is perhaps one of the best that Granny has imparted on me.

Luckily Jay was a like-minded individual. He looked at her and said, “Please don’t be embarrassed. I don’t mind a bit, I’m enjoying every moment of being with you.” My heart melted.

He picked up their conversation just from where they left off, from the sounds of it they really got along. “I actually enjoyed his company,” she said, both surprising herself and me.

“He asked me to call him, but I said, ‘I don’t think so mister, you call me, that’s how it works,’” she explained. Albeit old fashioned, I agree. That is how it works.

“When we said good-bye I extended my arms to shake his hand but he hugged me. A big hug, a prune sandwich!” she giggled.