Telephone Love Affair
Posted: April 2, 2012 Filed under: Uncategorized 1 CommentI’m back to bullying Granny. After a game of phone tag with a potential date she called to tell me, “I find that all these old people, forget me, the other people, they just like to talk.” Although the young poptart has yet to have an actual conversation with the man, she’s convinced that all he’s after is a “telephone love affair”.
He’s been slow to ask her out so she’s decided to play hardball. “I told him he can call me in the evenings after nine.” Calling after nine is not just late for older people, that’s dangerously close to booty call territory. This argument only infused Granny more, “Listen I do things, I don’t sit around all night,” she hollered, “I move my body and go. He wants to talk to me? I don’t have time to chat. I’m charming, he has to come and meet me.” Suddenly it’s much clearer why I turned out with such a prominent conceited streak.
I piped up in his defense, it’s reasonable to talk to someone for 10-15 minutes before a date. “Ten-Fifteen minutes?” she asked sarcastically, “You’re living in a dreamland. Ten-fifteen minutes? They’re still stuttering their names after ten minutes, these are old people. Ten-Fifteen minutes in the world of 25 years olds is an hour of conversation. Ten-fifteen minutes with an old fart of 80 or older goes on forever.” Ugh her argument is frustratingly stubborn, oozing with denial, but so badass I have to respect it.
LISTEN TO OUR CONVERSATION: telephone love affair convo.mp3
grannyismywingman 
How may one, single guy, have a phone date with you? He lives on the west coast!
-Alex