The KeeperPosted: March 22, 2012
Granny was more than tickled to hear about Matthew. When I mentioned that he’s published several children’s books she straight up squealed from delight. Like our date, Granny did a rapid fire question and answer with me to get all the dirt on the dude. “He’s from Chicago? He’s a cosmopolitan,” she cooed.
I knew that when I revealed his Jewish roots she’d be tickled but I didn’t know it would send her over the edge. “He’s a keeper,” she instructed, “Hang around him a bit, when I come to New York I’ll meet him or you can bring him home to visit in Florida after three months, if he’s hot shit, two months.” I reminded her that we only had a twenty-minute date, suggesting that she might be getting ahead of herself.
LISTEN TO OUR CONVERSATON: convo.mp3
She warned me not to screw it up. “You don’t chase him. Let him pursue you, in a modern, contemporary way.” Then of course she blew some steam up my ass to remind me whose team she’s playing on, “You’re very attractive, he likes what he saw or he’s blind and he needs glasses.” I couldn’t find an argument there.
When it comes to getting frisky, she warned, “Don’t experiment in the bed so fast, he may want a nice Jewish girl.” I’m not sure if anyone has considered me a nice Jewish girl since my Bat Mitzvah, even then it might have been a stretch.
I asked how long she thought was appropriate to wait for sex, “A couple of months?” I laughed. “You can’t wait a couple of months? What’s on your schedule? Two dates, three dates?” Let’s not confine ourselves to the number of dates; it depends on the man.
“You could get some real mileage out of this guy, play your cards right,” she urged. Although I appreciate Granny’s enthusiasm, I think she may have gotten a little carried away. Although I enjoyed Matthew’s company, twenty minutes is only enough time to have a drink, not enough to make plans for experimenting in the bedroom or bringing him home to meet Granny.