The Witch of New Years Eve

New Years Eve is a big night to go out. It beats Halloween and July 4th with it’s hype and crowds. For weeks prior everyone asks what your plans are, who are you going to spend it with, what are your resolutions going to be, and have you bought a hot glittery dress yet? If you’re single, you of course are wondering if there will be a special someone for you to swap spit with when the clock reaches midnight. A kiss to start off the year, ooh lala. So romantic, so cliché, so 2009 (do I sound bitter?).

I work in a nightclub so this year, like many years prior, I shuffled around a club swinging sparklers, popping bottles, avoiding creeps, and trying not to slap crazy girls in sequined bando dresses. It might sound lame but I enjoy it because it takes the pressure off the night, you make good money, avoid the hectic lines, and drink for free. Cha-ching.

I also love watching drunk people; on New Years Eve people get wasted. Bopping to the music, getting snippy, walking into walls, shamelessly flirting. It’s adorable until they start giving the waitress some lip. This year I took a page out of Granny’s notebook. Whenever someone started in with some attitude I told them with wide sincere eyes, “Listen, I’m a little bit of a witch,” this is something Granny has told me about herself more than once when she wants respect. On New Years Eve people are superstitious, telling them I’m a witch works. “I have a feeling 2011 was sort of shitty for you, huh?” they nod, “But it’s weird, I have this crazy intuition that 2012 is going to be different. This is your year.” Suddenly the rude customer is on my team, with hope and witchcraft I have won them over.

In all my years in New York I’ve never been as single as I was this New Years Eve. This may sound lame but it was actually liberating to have no expectations, drama, or responsibilities. My lips could kiss anyone they wanted. At midnight they went for my best girl friends. My single ladies came in to keep me company at work and bring in the New Year. We happily danced, played, drank, and laughed (Yes, I was working. No, I am not a good waitress.) As the clock struck midnight we all kissed, stuffed money in our inside out yellow panties, and ate twelve grapes. (My Colombian friend, who legitimately might be a witch because of all her traditions, supplied the necessary props.)

I would have been content with my friend’s kisses and company but sometimes when you keep low expectations you get to be pleasantly surprised. Around 3am Nate, the 6’6 Australian came in and gave me a real New Years kiss. So it might be cliché and a little cheesy and he is still way too good-looking but goddamn, it was a great way to kick off 2012.

Also, now that it’s 2012 I’ve decided to get with it and join Twitter, follow me @grannywingman!


2 Comments on “The Witch of New Years Eve”

  1. helensadornmentsblog says:

    I really love the “i’m a little bit of a witch” line. I will have to try that and see if it works.

  2. […] the head witch, strikes again. Before I could tell her I went on a date  she already knew. Listen to our […]


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