Role Reversal

“I like your nighttime photo. You look like Giselle in a fashion ad. Which is kind of awesome,” Grant, my date last night, had messaged me on OKCupid. Giselle? Yes, I agree that would be pretty awesome. Tell me more, Grant.

In his profile he made up a series questions to answer:

-Favorite Grade in School: 5th.
-Least Favorite: 7th.
-If I Had Just One Song To Get The Party Going, Would That Song Be The Electric Slide?: No it would not.

I also enjoyed fifth grade and I especially enjoyed that he took it upon himself to do a personal Q and A.

I got to the bar on time but Grant was fifteen minutes late. Ah, I finally got how annoying my tardy tactics can be. Lesson learned.

I grabbed a drink and took a seat at a table in the back of the bar. I had to make a friend’s going-away dinner after the date so I was looking snazzier than I typically would for a Monday night drink in a dive bar. I was wearing a sexy purple dress and heels. While sitting by myself, sipping a cocktail, eyeing around the place all dolled up it would not have been outlandish if someone mistook me for a lonely hooker on the prowl.

Grant entered frazzled, wearing a laid back flannel. Even though he had picked the spot he said he went to a bar ten blocks away by accident…

He grabbed a drink and sat down, I saw him eye my outfit. “I’m going to a fancy dinner after this,” I said defensively, “Not that I wouldn’t dress like this for you, I mean I don’t know you, but I don’t usually wear heels on a Monday, but you know what I mean, right?” It was an awkward and unnecessary explanation.

We changed the subject; he told me that he lives in a loft with six people and one bathroom in Brooklyn. It sounded like a cross between a terrific sitcom and a terrifying nightmare. I have just one roommate and I’m almost too entitled to handle him. I was impressed but also concerned by Grant’s living conditions.

He had just moved to the city after finishing up grad school and wasn’t ready to commit to a job so he’s been spending his time traveling.  He told me about an excellent cross-country road trip that him and a buddy went on this summer. I told him about my cross-country trip, I left out the part where I got creepy, but still our experiences we’re vastly different. We started talking about cities we love and cities we could do without, unfortunately none of our cities lined up.

Again we changed the subject, we started talking about our families and trips we’ve been on with them. He had a laid back trip to Morocco with his family last year. I had a chaotic estrogen-filled trip to East Africa with my mom, Granny, and sisters. I recounted a story about a fight I got into with my sister while in the Serengeti that involved a Masai Warrior, a bow and arrow and some Valium. He was clearly freaked out.

Grant is the oldest of three brothers; I am the middle of three sisters. When he found out where I fell in the pecking order he gave me a look like “Aha, that explains it.”

I’m not sure if it was the dress that was affecting my attitude but by the looks Grant was giving me I’m pretty confident I was exuding some crazy girl vibes.

“What’s your last name?” he asked.

“Why? Do you want to Google me?” I replied.

“No, I’m just curious,” he said. Mmhmmm, yeah right. It’s 2012, we can admit it. We love to Google stalk. Right? It can’t be just me.

I gave him a name and he gave me his. When we got up to leave we said our goodbyes and parted ways. After he walked away I realized we skipped something. He never asked for my number. I didn’t expect or want to go out with him again but still… we know my ego needs some stroking, would it be so much for him to at least feign interest? The lonely hooker was feeling kind of lame.

As I walked to my dinner I realized he did the right thing. Why take a number if you’re not going to call? It was clear we weren’t compatible, we had at best, a pleasant drink and that’s all it would ever be. I appreciated his honest ending to our date.

Of course I have already Googled him. Unfortunately there is no incriminating dirt. It turns out he’s quite the scholar and had a silly haircut in 2008.