Statistics

Aaron suggested grabbing coffee as a date on HowAboutWe, although not the most creative of outings I liked his realistic approach. “Let’s not waste time emailing back and forth. There is less than a 10% chance we’ll hit it off. Can’t know for sure unless it’s face to face,” he wrote.

It was an uncharacteristically warm winter evening when we met up. After we grabbed our coffees and took a seat, I noticed that his face was red and sweat was brimming from his hairline. It could have been because my beauty startled him but it seemed more likely it was due to the thick peacoat that he kept buttoned up. “Aren’t you hot?” I asked, “Maybe you wanna take off a layer?” Typically I only request clothes to be stripped off in moments of seduction, but I was truly just looking out for Aaron’s comfort.

He chose to keep it on. “I liked your honest statistics on your HowAboutWe message,” I confessed. At the mention of online dating his shade of red deepened and his eyes shifted to the patrons on either side of us. He wiped more sweat from his brow.

He told me he was new to the city. I liked to hear that. He told me his only friend lives in Staten Island with his aunt and uncle and the two of them (both 30 years old) spend their free time playing Halo and smoking weed in the basement. I did not like to hear that.

In his profile he listed his profession as “film consultant”, a title I had never heard of. “What kind of consulting do you do?” I asked. Again, the sweating and redness. He got jumbled and tongue-tied trying to concoct his story.

“Well I give the writers ideas, and the editors notes, the director too, sometimes I help out the producers, and I give the marketing team selling ideas,” he said. I had never heard of such a far-reaching film role before. Why didn’t he just stick with a simple lie like “director”? Prior to his film consultant role he had an eBay business of selling vintage postcards. After further interrogation, it came out that he was also working as an extra on 30 Rock with hopes to be a stand up comic in the city. It wasn’t clear if he was practicing his schtick on me.

After an hour long coffee date, it turned out the only thing we had in common was a teeth clenching problem and a shared need for a mouth guard while sleeping. I’ll never understand what Aaron really does or why he wouldn’t take off his coat. What I did understand was the importance in more messages back and forth before meeting a stranger from the internet.

“So where do I fall?” he asked as we walked out of the café. “Am I in the 10% that hit it off for you?”

“Well…” I began.

Before I could answer he said, “I mean I don’t think we are, I think we’re like the other percentage, ya know?” I did know. We shook hands, wished each other well, and cordially went our separate ways. Although Aaron was a bit of a nut, I appreciate his respect for true chemistry. Statistics, ya can’t ignore them.