No Groove
Posted: November 26, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized 7 CommentsMaybe it was his overt display of masculinity. Maybe it was the exercise endorphins my body was releasing. Maybe it was the excitement of something new. Or maybe it was his gym shorts. Whatever it was, it wasn’t there on our second date.
I was excited to see Justin again. We had almost nothing in common which was an intriguing attraction during our rock-climbing outing. Unfortunately on the second date it didn’t get the same juices flowing. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a very interesting guy, but I don’t have plans to mount him anymore.
It was 7:00pm, we were one beer in when we fell into a lull of conversation. “Wanna do a shot?” he asked with the enthusiasm of a college sorority girl. I did not want to do a shot. I am no wet noodle, I like to cut loose, but a shot felt like it was forcing the mood. You only begin taking shots at 7:00pm if you are preparing for a rager, getting over a rager, an alcoholic, or in college. I didn’t qualify for any of those things. “I usually don’t drink beer, I prefer dirty martinis, extra dirty,” he said. I laughed thinking he was joking but he stared back dead serious.
He kept the same serious expression when he told me about his hip-hop dance team. He is a tall, white, computer programming, cardigan-wearing, soft-spoken man. When he explained the part of class where they “just groove” I couldn’t help but chuckle. The image of a group of gangly white men “grooving” warrants a laugh. He didn’t find it funny.
We moved to another bar where he ordered the filthy martini he had long been lusting after. In an attempt to spice up the conversation he asked me, “What’s one secret that no one knows about you?”
I considered. Then said, “I killed a hooker in Amsterdam.”
He gave me a look that was equal parts horrified and confused. Having different tastes, styles, and hobbies is not a deal breaker but not being able to share a common sense of humor is. Justin is a fascinating guy but we didn’t laugh together and if I can’t laugh with a man there’s little chance I will “groove” with him.
grannyismywingman 
I missed the first date w Justin so I was thrown off, but yeah, if you can’t laugh w a guy. #donedeal
The whole idea of “forcing it” on a date intrigues me. Taking shots at 7:00 is forcing a good time. Not laughing at jokes is “forcing” a serious conversation. In addition to those, I’m curious about your take on forcing an extended date. For example, the other day I met up with a woman for a first date around 5:00 (it was the day before Thanksgiving–we got off early). We talked and had a few drinks and had a good time. She had come to the date having eaten dinner, so I didn’t want to eat on the date; plus, it was clearly a “let’s meet up for drinks” typical first date, not a dinner date. So 8:00 rolls around and the waitress tells us she needs our table (don’t worry, I tipped her well), and my date looks at me and says, “So…should we go somewhere else?”
In my mind, that’s forcing something. We’ve clearly already had a good time talking for 3 hours–can’t that be the end of the date? The date doesn’t have to be extended to be deemed a success. I told her that I needed to eat dinner, and that was that.
I’m sure you’ve encountered this–what do you think? It’s somewhat of a compliment that someone wants to extend the date. It means that they enjoy your company. But just like that idea of taking shots at 7:00, isn’t it forcing a good time instead of appreciating what you already have?
Thank-you for your feelings on what to do on a first date. I love hearing from men because they are the ones that can help us understand men not women. I love to hear the mans input and hope to hear more because that is the only way us women will learn how to respond to men in certain situations. Good job.
Thanks, Marilyn. If you’re interested in men’s perspectives, I’d recommend a blog called http://itsnotamatch.com. I also write about relationships and dating quite a bit on my blog, jameystegmaier.com (specifically, http://jameystegmaier.com/category/relationships/). Shameless plug, I know. 🙂
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Love your idea because you cover the young and the older single woman. I started this online dating because I don’t to bars or other places where it is obvious that you are single and looking , at 52 yrs old you don’t want to look silly. There seems to be no shortage of men especially if are willing to expand you distance. I am amazed to learn how men seem to be the ones that rush to be exclusive or they say they are when you start communicating with them. I start to communicate with them and sometimes want to go back to refresh my memory about height, weight, location, kids and find out they have removed their profile, I ask them why and they say they have started dialog with me so one person at a time. I think but we have not even started, how do you know that we are going to work out, and they seem very optimistic about it all. I just was asked by one that he expects me to do the same and I said I will when I see a ring on my finger and know who you are, I mean we have not even met. I have learned you can talk to someone everyday for three weeks and when you finally meet them it can be another story. I watched the documentary “Catfish” and learned you really don’t know who is at the other end so you have to be very careful and keep your senses up because if there is something that doesn’t feel right it probably isn’t. I hope to hear about other peoples experiences on your blog.