I Got Creepy

I took the power of the internet to a very weird place last week. I was driving with some friends on a cross-country road trip from New York to Los Angeles. When you’re crammed in Jetta with three other people for extended lengths of time things can get funny, frustrating, boring, and in my case, creepy.

Stuck in the backseat my friend and I began flipping through a copy of Cosmopolitan. The last time I read Cosmo I was 17 and thought of it as the holy grail of sexpertise. Now as a somewhat formed woman, it read more like a parody on female behavior. We were giggling about the ridiculous articles that gave directions on “how to cuddle” and suggestions for discussion topics after sex when we stumbled upon a Q and A with several eligible bachelors. “Kyle”, one of the contributing editors, struck me. He had a smug smile and the most wit and confidence in his answers.

Armed with an iPad 3G I began to get my creep on. Maybe it was because I was missing my OKCupid flirts on the road, maybe I just wanted to test the boundaries of the web, or maybe I really saw something in Kyle that I thought would click with me. Within seconds of googling his name I hit a goldmine. Nestled in between links to his writing was his Facebook profile.

I clicked and processed the immediate information on his page. He’s a writer, went to a prestigious school, has a great job writing as a sexpert, and lives in Los Angeles. In Cosmo he was asked, “What is the one thing you’d love a girl to text you?” He responded, “I need u now.”

A google search of this man provided me with almost as many personal details and several more writing examples than OKCupid. The serial dater in me was beginning to get the itch to wine and dine with a stranger on the west coast. Since I already knew what he wanted to hear I Facebook messaged him, “I need u now.”

As soon as the message was sent out on the world wide web I got the rush of excitement in my chest that you feel as a kid when you’re playing truth or dare and you just took a devilish dare. I laughed with my friend at the ridiculousness of the message then put the iPad down and began a sing-along and Cheeto eating contest with myself.

To my shock and awe, an hour later Kyle responded. For the following 1,500 miles on the road I began a very odd but entertaining banter with Kyle. I tried my best to weird him out, but even when I told him I was coming to LA to see him he didn’t falter.

Impressed with his stamina and flirtatious quips, I instructed him to meet me for a drink in Venice Beach. My friends stayed at the bar as we settled into a booth. I tried my best to stifle my giggles and maintain eye contact but the whole situation felt so absurd I couldn’t wipe my guilty grin away.

I began talking my face off, my strongest defense mechanism. I told him all about the road trip, dancing with cowboys in Nashville, shooting guns in Texas, a blowout fight in Santa Fe, and the restlessness in the car that led me to stalking him in the first place.

Kyle, being the sexpert that he is, kept his cool and confident air the entire time. After I blurted out the lengthy story he revealed that he too had stalked me, big time. He searched high and low through all the google had to offer and was spouting out a terrifying amount of information that he had on me all from my name.

Online dating you can maintain anonymity with usernames and restrained information but with a full name and a background as a skilled google stalker, you can often find loads of dirt on a person. It was an interesting social experiment for both of us, we were both curious about the situation and attracted to the online versions of each other.

In real life we shared some laughs, stories, and drinks but I think Kyle would agree, we didn’t have any romantic spark that I would stick around Los Angeles for. I give Kyle major props for indulging my messages and me. He’s a great guy but I think I prefer watching him from the distance of my laptop in New York.